Lashings of Sauce -- anthology

Title: Lashings of Sauce 

Author: Ed. Josephine Myles

Cover Artist: Alex Beecroft

Publisher: JMS Press  

Genre: Anthology

Length: 78k words

We Brits love our sauce, whether it's what we lash on our food, read on our seaside postcards, or write in our stories. Come and enjoy a buffet of tasty LGBTQ treats!

From marriages to reunions, via practical jokes and football matches, to weresloths and possibly the oddest Tarts and Vicars party in the world, join us as we celebrate the UK Meet in the best way we know: telling the story.

As a follow-up to the critically acclaimed British Flash and Tea and Crumpet anthologies, our talented writers bring you sixteen stories about gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and genderqueer characters enjoying what Britain and mainland Europe have to offer, with their wonderfully diverse range of cultures and landscapes and some incredibly colourful and quirky people.

This anthology is a souvenir of the 2012 UK Meet, an occasion for GLBTQ supporters to get together in a relaxed setting to celebrate and chat about the fiction community they love. Funds from the sale of this anthology will go towards future UK Meets, to which all are welcome

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With seventeen authors, ranging from my most auto-buy of auto-buys to completely new to me, I read this anthology with a happy smile on my face. Covering a wide range of LGBT and without the constraints of **heat! Give us more heat!**, the UK MAT authors have provided a stunning display of talent.

A mini review of each story will make this post huge, so take it as given that I enjoyed each story, and the ones I mention here had something special, even considering the standard set by Jordan Castillo Price in the lead-off story, “Post Mortem”, where a humorless bureaucrat finds his sexy side under the attentions of a delivery man. I found this story to be one of the weaker offerings (weaker being relative in this collection) and worried a bit about what was to follow. A needless worry, because the very next piece, “Dressing Down” from Clare London, explores the allure of cross-dressing, something I haven’t read much of, and makes it both naughty and very appealing.

JL Merrow—how I love thee! Getting a couple of genres tucked in here, and some HEA’s in several directions, she made me laugh all the way through “Et Tu, Fishies?” Don’t talk to the weirdo upstairs, she says... Best thing Marty ever did. Charlie Cochrane also provided chuckles with a shifter story the likes of which I never did see, from an occasionally slow-moving and upside-down POV.

A few stories are *trans. One from Elyan Smith, a new to me author, is m to f, and both charming and painful. One small normal interaction with another person becomes important in a way most of us cannot begin to imagine. Zahra Owens takes a longer timeline for a complete transition from f to m, detailing a relationship that spans the POV character’s adult life. Difficult, but happy, and with some bittersweet moments that tell us humans have a ways to go yet.

BDSM is not one of my usual preferences, but Anne Brooke’s “School for Doms” was one hot number. Told from the POV of a sub teaching a class for newbie doms, it focused on the more psychological and sexy elements, and promised an HFN with some staying power. Rawr.

Not every story here has explicit sex in it, and the “sweet” ones would be forced and contrived if they had sex shoehorned in. The table of contents codes the stories for heat, but I found the stories with the emphasis on the love rather than the sex to be completely enjoyable, and missing nothing for closing the door in the reader’s face. Josephine Myles’ story “Dragon Dance”  was one such, and given the youth of the MCs, I was glad for it. (They were still of age, but barely.) The two young men have to find a way to be together that meshes with their Chinese but living in England families.

The few ff stories here are of the fade to black variety. One, Emily Moreton’s “Social Whirl,” let us watch the slow disintegration of a relationship, counterpointed with the spark of interest from another woman whom the narrator keeps tripping over at the various functions she attends.

In the way of anthologies, the stories vary, but here they vary within a small, high range. Not all of the authors are UK based, but all are skilled storytellers, and all have offered something not easily found elsewhere. If I haven’t mentioned a story, it’s for room and not for enjoyment, because this collection was a pleasure from start to finish. 4.5 marbles

Handle With Care by Josephine Myles

Title Handle With Care
Author Josephine Myles
Publisher Samhain Publishing
Genre: Contemporary
Length: 191 pages

The best things in life aren’t free…they’re freely given.

Ben Lethbridge doesn’t have many vices left. After raising his little sister to adulthood, he wasted no time making up for the youth he lost to responsible parenting. Two years of partying it up—and ignoring his diabetes—has left him tethered to a home dialysis regimen.

He can do his job from his flat, fortunately, but most of his favourite things are forbidden. Except for DVD porn…and fantasizing over Ollie, the gorgeous, purple-haired skateboarder who delivers it.

Their banter is the highlight of Ben’s lonely day, but his illness-ravaged body is the cruel reality that prevents him from believing they’ll do anything more than flirt. Not to mention the age gap. Still, Ben figures there’s no harm in sprucing himself up a bit.

Then one day, a package accidentally splits open, revealing Ben’s dirty little secret…and an unexpected connection that leaves him wondering if he’s been reading Ollie wrong all this time. There’s only one way to find out: risk showing Ollie every last scar. And hope “far from perfect” is good enough for a chance at love.


Product Warnings: Contains superhero porn comics and a cute, accident-prone delivery guy with colour-changing hair. Readers may experience coffee cravings, an unexpected liking for bad mullets, and the urge to wrap Ollie up and take him home.

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Josephine Myles is an autobuy author for me, and once again she has demonstrated why. Her latest novel, Handle With Care delicately explores a budding relationship between a thirty-three year old kidney patient and the much younger parcel delivery man who brings the his nearly daily fixes of porn.


Ben Lethbridge has paid for his excesses with his health—a diabetic and already at risk for problems, he took a few too many chances. Now he has to schedule his life around the bottles of dialysis solution that slosh around his abdomen, keeping him alive. He’s in the horrible position of waiting for a kidney transplant, knowing that it means a tragedy for someone else.

Ollie shows up with packages every day or two—Ben buys a lot of porn to make up for the sex he doesn’t get any more. Between his chronic condition and his guilt, he’s so not in the market for a relationship that both Ollie and his sister have to bat him over the head to get Ben to realize Ollie’s interested.

Ollie’s a bundle of contradictions, both bold enough to go for what he wants and insecure enough to believe that his role is only to serve. He barely knows what a healthy relationship between equals looks like, and he needs a little guidance to find it, not that Ben’s such an expert. Together they bumble into something that works for them. Both of these men have some big issues, and very-manlike, they don’t talk until the relationship landmines have already gone off, and sometimes not even then. Ben’s health throws more spanners in the works—surgery for a new kidney keeps him from being able to have sex for a long time, which at least allows them to get to know each other.

Both men have some real and serious issues that are revealed only gradually—it’s hard for Ben to know how he’s put his foot in his mouth because he knows so little about Ollie at first. Certain things really offend him, but Ben doesn’t know why, and it doesn’t help that Ollie’s first reaction is to run away rather than fight. Both characters have their prickles, but there is a happy ending for them. The final clearing of the air brings some closure to a number of issues in Ben and Ollie’s past, and you just know they’ll make it.

Ben’s sister Zoe had significant face time—Ben raised her after their parents died, and the relationship between them is extremely important to the story. She’s both urging Ben to take a good long look at Ollie and then distressed by the relationship when he does. Some beautifully drawn doubts and fears there—she grows as much as Ollie and Ben do.

Josephine Myles’ language is British without drowning in slang, so the book has definite flavor of place, and her storytelling unrolls the men’s secrets with nice pacing. The one problem I had was that the conflict relied on Ollie refusing to talk about things as much as that Ben and Ollie simply don’t know each other and can find all the sore spots by accident. It’s not a Big Misunderstanding, but there is a series of Medium Misunderstandings that each could scuttle the relationship. Between Ben being oblivious and Ollie being less than forthcoming, they have a lot of opportunities to vex each other.

Living with a chronic health problem and its effect on finding love has been done, but not often done this well—Ben’s renal failure is deep characterization and not a surface gloss. He can do little, even starting a porn movie, without considering what part of his treatment cycle he’s in. We don’t see Ollie as clearly—so much of Ben’s attention is focused inward while just trying to stay alive, which both makes sense and feels like a gap. Ollie is adorable and definitely needs big squishy hugs. Ben had better provide them or he’ll hear from at least one reader with a big stick!
4.5 marbles

A Thousand Word Thursday Excerpt from Josephine Myles

I went hunting for more information on fire dancing after reading Josephine Myles' 5 Marble story, Boats in the Night. She's shared an excerpt about what Smutty's doing in his performance. Enjoy!
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An hour later, Giles stood in a shady spot outside Bath Abbey, watching the man he’d spent the last week with turn into someone he barely recognised. Someone who spoke with an Australian accent and worked the crowd like a born raconteur, all the while quite literally playing with fire.

“But Kun Man Gur, the rainbow serpent, was so angry with the flying fox he blew out a stream of fire that burnt the land.” Smutty punctuated his story by taking a quick swig from his flask, then holding one of the flaming torches to his lips.

Flames rolled out of Smutty’s mouth in a blast of heat and Giles recoiled, stepping on the foot of the woman behind him. She drew in a sharp, annoyed breath. “So sorry,” he mumbled, before turning back to the performance. Smutty was juggling the torches again, sending one leaping high above the others that whirled between his hands. And all the while he continued telling his strange little tale of Aussie talking animals to the audience that had gathered around the fragile barriers they’d constructed earlier. The crowd must have been about ten deep by now, and Giles calculated that if they all left Smutty as little as a pound, he’d have made at least a hundred from a mere twenty minutes of work.

Not that it was easy work. Giles watched the sweat rolling down Smutty’s bare chest, the flames licking at his fingers. His body was smeared with sooty marks and his voice sounded distinctly raw since the fire-breathing stunt. He wasn’t going to hurt himself, was he? Giles watched keenly for any sign of exhaustion or impending disaster, but all he saw was a man perfectly at ease with his movements, his body gliding almost effortlessly, muscles rippling in synch with the flickering of the flames.

The story ended with the creation of the desert, and the flying foxes temporarily chastened. With his last words Smutty fell to his knees, arms outstretched, catching the remaining torches as they spun down towards him. He bowed his head for the burst of applause then rose, grinning widely, as the tourists continued to cheer.

“Just put the torches out,” Giles muttered underneath his breath. Seeing this many people so close to the flames made him twitchy—especially when some of them were children, and the only thing holding them back was a lightweight barrier constructed of posts and rope that had all come out of Smutty’s backpack. He breathed a sigh of relief when Smutty extinguished the torches in the bucket. Coins were already starting to fly through the air towards the battered old top hat on the paving stones. Many were missing their target, but Giles noticed a couple of people bending over the barrier to place bank notes in there as well.

Smutty glowed with the exertion and attention, and Giles also flared into warmth as he watched him crouch down to talk with the children, setting them all giggling with something he said. Smutty’s hands were constantly on the move, Giles realised, like birds flapping around him, but perfectly controlled and graceful.

When Smutty rose again Giles managed to catch his eye and mouthed “coffee break?” hopefully. Smutty had said he’d need a good break after his first performance, and Giles was parched just from watching him. Giles dreaded to think what the state of Smutty’s mouth must be like after that little stunt. His overactive imagination conjured up a horrific vision of blistered gums and tongue, but the way Smutty smiled and shook his head at him didn’t suggest he was in any kind of pain.

Wait a minute—shook his head?

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, thank you for your generosity,” Smutty began, in a hoarse voice. “I’ve had a request for an encore, so I’d like to show you something from my ancestral homeland, New Zealand. The Maori people have a traditional weapon called poi, and while theirs aren’t usually on fire, I like to think a few flames improve just about anything.” Smutty winked and twirled, showing off his tattoo to a round of wolf-whistles from the women.

Giles groaned as Smutty pulled another contraption that looked like an instrument of torture out of his backpack. A tennis ball sized metal cage with the wick inside, strung onto a long chain that ended in a rubber coated grip. And a second one to match. Smutty drenched both the wicks with paraffin and touched a match to them as they lay on the ground, smiling like he was satisfied with the way they blossomed with sooty flames before settling down to a more controlled blaze. What the hell was he going to do with those? Giles had to fight the urge to stride through the barrier and throw Smutty over his shoulder then march him off to the coffee shop. The man needed to rest, damn it. It was dangerous, playing with fire.

But when Smutty began spinning the poi, Giles forgot to worry. This was completely different to the torches leaping high into the air—this time the flames were attached to Smutty’s hands via the chains, but somehow that gave him even more opportunity to make them dance. Fire whirled around Smutty’s body in wheels and spirals. One moment he had his arms outstretched, his hands making tiny motions while the poi raced and darted in a mesmerising pattern each side of his body. A slight adjustment to his limbs, and the poi spun in front of him instead, weaving in and out of each other’s orbit in a way that just didn’t seem possible. Giles had to tear his eyes away from their blinding display to concentrate on Smutty. He hardly seemed to be moving at all, but Giles could see the strain in his body and the intensity in his expression.

Smutty’s eyes gleamed with reflected fire and a dark excitement that stirred up something inside Giles. Something wild and painful. Something unlooked for.

As his heart squeezed tight, Giles’s stomach lurched.

He had the horrible feeling he’d just fallen in love.

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Like two ships passing in the night—if one was a narrowboat and the other a luxury yacht.

Disgraced private school teacher Giles Rathbourne has been sent home on extended sick-leave and is stuck in a rut of obsessive housework and drinking. His ex may have been a snobbish bastard, but without him, Giles is adrift, rattling around his huge, lonely house. When a dreadlocked narrowboater’s engine breaks down at the end of his canal-side garden, Giles is furious at this invasion of his privacy—for a while.

Smutty might not have ever held down a proper job, but the fire-dancing, free-spirited traveller can recognise an opportunity for mutual benefit when he sees it. Giles’ extensive gardens are in as desperate need of attention as the upper-class hunk is himself, whereas Smutty knows a thing or two about plants and needs a place to moor up.

A simple business arrangement between two men who have nothing else in common? It would be—if they could keep their hands off each other!

Boats in the Night by Josephine Myles

Title: Boats in the Night
Author: Josephine Myles
Cover Artist: Unknown
Publisher: Josephine Myles
Genre: Contemporary
Length: 44K

Like two ships passing in the night—if one was a narrowboat and the other a luxury yacht.

Disgraced private school teacher Giles Rathbourne has been sent home on extended sick-leave and is stuck in a rut of obsessive housework and drinking. His ex may have been a snobbish bastard, but without him, Giles is adrift, rattling around his huge, lonely house. When a dreadlocked narrowboater’s engine breaks down at the end of his canal-side garden, Giles is furious at this invasion of his privacy—for a while.

Smutty might not have ever held down a proper job, but the fire-dancing, free-spirited traveller can recognise an opportunity for mutual benefit when he sees it. Giles’ extensive gardens are in as desperate need of attention as the upper-class hunk is himself, whereas Smutty knows a thing or two about plants and needs a place to moor up.

A simple business arrangement between two men who have nothing else in common? It would be—if they could keep their hands off each other!

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Giles and Smutty are opposites in every way—you'd think. Giles comes from money and lives in the ancestral house, which he's trying to take care of himself. The light bulbs are dusted, but the gardens are going to jungle, because Giles' obsessive cleaning keeps him indoors, fretting and drinking, trying to wash away the pain his stuck-up ex left behind. He's got a trace of whimsy, nearly dead and buried under the weight of Fabian's disapproval, but still hanging on, or he would never have gone out to the garden to chase away the intruder while wearing slippers with claws on.


Buying a wreck of a narrowboat with the last of his funds leaves Smutty depending on the goodwill of the property owner nearest where his engine expires. Raised in a commune that fell prey to developers and with a first love who ran out on him, Smutty's resisted forming ties anywhere else. A narrowboat's just the thing for a man who doesn't want to put down roots, until it won't run. With his dreads in bleached colours and tattoos blazing up his torso, Smutty looks like the flames he dances with; he's much too wild, and yet oddly too conservative, for a man like Giles.

Yet as they work out how to mesh, even if temporarily, the two are more alike than it seems at first glance, and if they don't mesh, the friction is interesting. Giles is teetering on the brink of alcoholism; Smutty shuns the stuff. Smutty dances with fire; Giles has reason to fear it. Yet they come together.

Fabian, the horrid ex, casts a very long shadow, even though he's offstage for most of his role. The author tweaks the reader's expectations of him masterfully; his truths are buried deep. Giles is still living in reaction to Fabian's expectations; this was a toxic relationship but repeated exposures to Smutty's herbal teas draw the poison from Giles' heart. Kindness and real love are so far in Giles' past he has some trouble recognizing the signs now. Fabian gets mentioned at times when I really didn't want him intruding, but I could see why Giles would think of him then.

The gap in social status weighs more heavily on Smutty, whose off-the-grid lifestyle lifts a lot of eyebrows. His Maori heritage is his pride, the source of his livelihood, and cause for discrimination. He's feeling the tick of time, not wanting to get too attached because he'll be moving along soon. A posh fellow like Giles surely can't want him long term, can he? The man who tends the gardens is only help to be dallied with, Smutty fears. A wanderer who accidentally boated into his life is only going to sail away again, Giles is sure. The gardens, long untended but starting to recover under Smutty's care, are a lovely metaphor for the relationship, with roots, blooms, and a lot of work.

This was a charming journey, as the two men find the way to be together, and around the barriers to happiness that their pasts have erected. I read this in one sitting, thoroughly engrossed, and wishing I could watch Smutty dance with fire.

The story was originally serialized on the author's blog, and is still there, but it's more than worth the modest cover price to have a nicely formatted version where all the text is in one place. If Josephine Myles wasn't already on my must-read list, this story would put her there. 5 marbles

Because I was so intrigued by Smutty's fire dancing, I went looking for more information. This has to be really cool to watch!

Winter Warmers anthology

Title: Winter Warmers
Editors: Josephine Myles and JL Merrow
Cover Artist: Lou Harper
Publisher: Pink Squirrel Press
Genre: contemporary
Length: 126 pages


Baby, it's cold outside! Beat the chill with Winter Warmers—a seasonal anthology.

Mulled wine. Butterscotch kisses. Hideous sweaters. Candy at the beach, or a trip to a sex shop in Amsterdam. And the man of your dreams, wrapped around you... Winter warmers come in many shapes and sizes, from the tongue-in-cheek to the hot-as-hell. Enjoy a quintet of heart-warming tales of men loving men from Clare London, Chrissy Munder, JL Merrow, Josephine Myles, and Lou Harper that are guaranteed to leave you with a smile on your face.

One thing's for sure—it's going to be a red-hot Christmas!

Lucky Dip by Clare London
Andy Jackson always knew that class 2C’s help in preparing for the annual Christmas Fair would be a mixed blessing. Then he’s paired up on the Lucky Dip with Greg, the man who dumped him but now can’t keep away, the pupils are either lecturing him on his lovelife or losing bladder control, and no one’s fixed the broken handle on the storage room. It may all be one whoopee cushion too far for him.

Butterscotch Kisses by Chrissy Munder
Matthew Morrison is determined to conquer his fear of heights and achieve a winning outcome. At least, that’s what the best-selling, self-help book he’s listening to promises. Being stuck on a three-story tower in the middle of a snowstorm wasn’t part of the plan. With no St. Bernard in sight, it’s Cute Ticket Guy Adam to the rescue, and an outcome Matthew never anticipated.

Wintertide by Lou Harper
May meets December when Jem and Oscar chance on each other at the Santa Monica Pier, only weeks before Christmas. The two men are separated by age, social status, and their taste in candy, yet if they are both naughty and nice, they might just find holiday cheer together.

When in Amsterdam... by Josephine Myles
Brandon is on his first visit to new boyfriend Jos’s home country, just in time for their Sinterklaas celebrations. But an unexpected detour into a sex shop leads Brandon to new discoveries about himself, and a whole new dynamic to their relationship. The weather may be cold and damp, but Brandon and Jos soon heat things up!

A Pint of Beer, a Bag of Chips, and Thou by JL Merrow
What’s the best gift a young man could get for Christmas? Mohawked saxophonist Liam wouldn’t have picked the hideous collection of knitwear he’s presented with by his mum and his aunties. He’d rather have the gorgeous older man he sees every day while busking at King’s Cross. But with a little Christmas magic in the air, maybe those garish garments are just the thing for attracting a silver fox…

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Lucky Dip by Clare London

Poor Andy Jackson—if something can go wrong, it will go wrong, all over him. This poor klutz trips over himself and the small children working on the festival displays. Not only is he a hazard to himself and others, it makes him feel like a fool in front of Greg Canbury, the debonair uncle of one of the students, and Andy's former lover. They'd broken up once before, breaking Andy's heart, and now, he's got to work an entire carnival in close proximity to the man. Sometimes, what goes wrong is really what goes right—one last disaster gives Greg a chance to talk with him.

This was a really cute story, although the non-stop accidents began to get a tiny bit wearing, particularly when they involved a toddler who had no business being there that I could see. However, this story of second chances is so charming that I left off wanting to swat the toddler's mother to say, "Awwww" for Greg and Andy instead. Out of the mouths of babes...

Butterscotch Kisses by Chrissy Munder

Matthew's trying to conquer his fear of heights, as step one of his road to more self confidence in general, a goal that costs him ten bucks, some fear, and an adrenaline hangover every night he tries to ascend a toboggan run. Cute Ticket Guy, with his massive collection of strange hats, isn't too clear on what this project is – no one likes toboggan runs this much, but when he has to rescue Matthew, a lot becomes clear.

I really felt for Matthew, who is feeling the effects of more than one bad boyfriend to go with an already debilitating phobia. He's trying so hard to cure himself of this, so that maybe he can tackle the other issues in his life. Cute Ticket Guy turns out to be Adam, who is a nice guy with a small streak of wickedness, which I really liked. This story ends on a beginning; they've really only just met, but it's a nice warm beginning.

Wintertide by Lou Harper

Jem and Oscar have so little in common that they use different POVs: Jem's is third person, Oscar tells his story in first person. The effect is a little ragged. Older, bereaved Oscar is looking for another chance at love; Jem's young and casting around. There isn't really anything to bring these two together other than Oscar's desire to take care of Jem and that they are both alone. A third party kibitzing on Oscar's end says some wise things and doesn't question Oscar's choice, though I did. The story is low-key, as befits Oscar's emotional state.

When in Amsterdam by Josesphine Myles

Joesphine Myles has become an autobuy for me, and I would want to read this collection if I knew nothing about it other than she has a story in it. Once again, she combines a bit of fish out of water, sly humor, and sexual heat. The reason for Brandon and Jos to be in the sex shop seemed a tad thin, but hey, they are there, and one thing does lead to another. Brandon had to expand his horizons just a bit, and Jos is willing to adjust his desires to what Brandon can handle. It's not the sex alone where they compromise, it's traditions and expectations, and both men are willing to give a bit. Loved this one.

A Pint of Beer, a Bag of Chips, and Thou by JL Merrow

This story starts off with a shocking remark, and only gets sillier. Liam, raised by witches, has the kind of good humor to accept his aunts' gifts in the spirit in which they were intended, and if their knitting looks like an explosion in a head shop, he's still game to wear it. And it's pretty good bait:

This time, though, he was frankly staring. Well, I couldn't blame him, now could I? He'd probably never seen a busker with a teapot on his head before.

Enough crazed knitting later, Liam does get his date with Neil, and a truly unconventional first date it is. Neil's assessment still has me laughing. Another ending on a beginning, and I hope Neil's got the fortitude to go the distance, because I want to read about it!

***
As with any anthology, some stories are stronger than others, but the quality here is high overall, and the last two stories alone are reason enough to buy the book. As a lovely bonus, the formatting is pretty, with snowflakes as scene breaks. Best of all, my copy had internal anchors for good interior navigation, which makes revisiting my favorites one at a time much simpler; I do not know why this feature is not more widespread in PDF files. This is the first project from Pink Squirrel Press, and they are doing a lot of things right. 4.25 marbles

Barging In by Josephine Myles

Barging In by Josephine Myles
Publisher: Samhain Publishing
Genre: Contemporary, GLBT
Length: 219 pages


When the boat's a rockin’, don't come knockin’!

Out-and-proud travel writer Dan Taylor can’t steer a boat to save his life, but that doesn’t stop him from accepting an assignment to write up a narrowboat holiday. Instead of a change of pace from city life, though, the canal seems dull as ditchwater. Until he crashes into the boat of a half-naked, tattooed, pierced man whose rugged, penniless appearance is at odds with a posh accent.

Still smarting from past betrayal, Robin Hamilton’s “closet” is his narrowboat, his refuge from outrageous, provocative men like Dan. Yet he can’t seem to stop himself from rescuing the hopelessly out-of-place city boy from one scrape after another. Until he finds himself giving in to reluctant attraction, even considering a brief, harmless fling.

After all, in less than a week, Dan’s going back to his London diet of casual hook-ups and friends with benefits.

Determined not to fall in love, both men dive into one week of indulgence…only to find themselves drawn deep into an undertow of escalating intimacy and emotional intensity. Troubled waters neither of them expected…or wanted.

Product Warnings
Contains one lovable tart, one posh boy gone feral, rough sex, alfresco sex, vile strawberry-flavoured condoms, intimate body piercings, red thermal long-johns, erotic woodchopping, an errant cat, a few colourful characters you wouldn't touch with a bargepole, and plenty of messing about on the river.
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Who knew there was an entire subculture living a gypsy life aboard long, thin boats on the canals of England? Or that some of them were so darn sexy? Josephine Myles treats us to a peek through Robin Hamilton's reluctant romance with Dan Taylor, travel writer and terrible noob long-boater in Barging In.

The erotic wood-chopping we are warned of brings Robin and Dan together – literally, with a collision and snarling. From this inauspicious beginning wonderful things bloom. Dan's out, footloose, and interested, but Robin's slower to open up; his character is revealed in beautifully done details of his life, his boat, his tattoos, and eventually, his heart.



The small every day things like getting from one end of the boat to the other become real terrors for a novice who's not comfortable with water; Robin drops his gruffness in small chunks, opening up to Dan, teaching him practical things and what it's like to be truly cared for. Each man has his own pain, revealed in his own time. Flaws and fears surface slowly, one step at a time, and we can see each man getting help from the other, all while watching the calendar tick away the brief time that was all they expected to have. Robin and Dan both have tiny thoughts of a future, followed by learning the art of compromise to have anything at all. Spattered with details of life on the canals and rivers, their story swings from hope to despair and back, several times. There's a lot of sex in this book, but it does drive the plot.

The pacing lurches a bit – the first two thirds of the book cover one short, intense week, but the next third encompasses a month that both seems too long and in a few respects like not enough; the time doesn't seem to match the calendar or pace of certain real world transactions, but that may also reflect my imperfect understanding of how both winter and money are managed in England. An occasion of over-telegraphing of what is to come then fails to follow through, hiding an unexpected personality transplant in a pivotal secondary character. That character was a great deal more likeable afterward.

But I love Dan, whose free spirit begins to liberate Robin from the shell he's built, and Robin, who forces Dan to think, and I want them to be happy together. If they don't like the place they're in, they don't have to wait two weeks for British Waterways to roust them, they'll lead each other to a better space. 4 Marbles

Tea and Crumpet, edited by Josephine Myles

Tea and Crumpet ed. Josephine Myles
Publisher: JMS Books LLC
Genre: Anthology, Contemporary, Erotica, Historical, GLBT
Length: 193 pages



Raise your rainbow umbrellas high and celebrate!

Enjoy this enchanting, entertaining and thought-provoking collection, a heartfelt expression of what it means to be queer in Britain, past and present. All these stories reflect the iconic sights and national character of the British Isles: a taste of our idiosyncrasies and eccentricities, but also an unashamed representation of the love, loyalty and laughter of our people.

Including a wide range of style and subject, this is the perfect way to sample different authors and to find both existing and new favourites. Follow the British way of life from historic villages to modern cities, from the countryside to the sea, through history and with a fantasy twist, in gardens, churches, campus and the familiar, much-loved local pub.

The stories cover universal themes of romance, desire, remembrance and reconciliation. The authors range from multi-published to up-and-coming, and they all share a passion for their characters, whether through great drama, erotic excitement, humour -- or a combination of all three!

Contributors include: Alex Beecroft, Jennie Caldwell, Stevie Carroll, Charlie Cochrane, Lucy Felthouse, Elin Gregory, Mara Ismine, Clare London, Anna Marie May, JL Merrow, Josephine Myles, Zahra Owens, Jay Rookwood, Chris Smith, Stevie Woods, Lisa Worrall, and Serena Yates. Edited by: UK MAT (UK Meet Acquisitions Team).

This anthology is a souvenir of the 2011 UK Meet, an occasion for GLBTQ supporters to get together in a relaxed setting to celebrate and chat about the fiction community they love. Funds from the sale of this anthology will go towards future UK Meets, to which all are welcome.
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Oh, my, this is what happens when the constraints of American publishers, American-speak, and standard romance conventions are released. Tea and Crumpet is a charming collection of short stories from British authors in all their native glory.

More than half of the authors here are new to me, with a wide variety of style and voice. There are eighteen stories that span most of the social spectrum, though if I wasn't quite sure what a "chav" is, I could glean a lot from context. And from Google – who wouldn't want to know more about something called "Insanely Bad Elf"*? Most are m/m, a few f/f – and while the f/f stories did not stand out as distinctly in voice, the diversity was welcome.

With this many stories, I'm not going to go into each in detail or we'll be here for 100 pages, so I'll mention a few of the standouts, though please understand, the entire collection is worth the read, particularly if you yearn for a gay story that doesn't adhere completely to the HEA/HFN model.

JL Merrow provides another one of her humorous shorts with Good Breeding. Giles finds himself confronting all his snobbery when he discovers that his own antecedents aren't as posh as he could wish when he tracks down his birth mother. Between his even snobbier boyfriend Hugh and his level-headed roommate Oz, Giles gets an attitude adjustment and a lesson in priorities. Funny, with a little sting.

The Utterly True History of Guy Alien and the Rise and Fall of His Band, X-Wing is one of the non-standard-romance stories, though Stevie Carroll reveals the relationships and the caring. Part is a magazine exposé, part the reactions of the readers, it lets the identities of the readers unveil slowly, and by the end, you'll be utterly content with the lovers.

A follow-up to another story I now feel compelled to track down, We’ll Always Have Brighton #2 from Zahra Owens stands alone, both as narrative and in voice. Told from "I" to "you", you being the other member of the couple, this is a structure I've seen only once before. It works well in this tale of recovery from a terrible incident. Names are neither given nor needed; the whole universe is this couple and a place that means a great deal to them.

Not to slight any of the other fine authors who have contributed to this anthology, but after these three I'm going to suggest that you get the collection and read for yourself. 4.5 marbles




*Insanely Bad Elf is an imperial red ale with an ethanol content designed to remove paint.  But I will not tell you how it fits into the story.

First Impressions by Josephine Myles

 When ugly socks attract.

Surly artist Jez just can’t help staring at the brightly colored socks of the businessman who sits opposite him on the train every day. He weaves a whole history for the mysterious stranger in a vain attempt to stave off his attraction, but it only ends up feeding his bizarre obsession. Then one hot morning, Jez finally snaps and starts sketching…

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My first impression of this story involved cleaning coffee off the keyboard, because that blurb is so damned catchy.

"When ugly socks attract."

Jez sits across the aisle of the train from a suit who's only apparent non-conformity is owning an enormous collection of garish socks -- he's always got his head in a stack of papers. Making up stories about this man becomes nearly a full time occupation -- half the story goes by before Jez gets up the courage to approach, done in a very cute and artist's way.

Then once they meet, all those stories, beautifully crafted though they are, come apart to reveal truth after small beautiful truth. Being wrong has never been so right.

The original sidesplitter reaction doesn't carry into the story, it's more of a constant low level amusement, which is harder to sustain, I think. Jez knows he's obsessing, fights the obsessing, and then enjoys his obsessing, and then -- OMG has to find out the reality of Steve. The reality is wonderful. This is the first story I've read by Ms Myles, whose language is beautiful, descriptive without being dry, and economical -- this author gets a lot of nuance into every phrase. Just look at this:

He probably had one of those old-fashioned
wardrobes with labeled shelves for shirts, vests and
sundries, and a little container on the back of the door
for cuff links, just like Granddad used to have. He'd
come from the kind of family where you learned how to
dress properly and knew your way around a formal
dinner service before you were out of your nappies. My
school had been full of them, and they always knew how
to put you in your place when you were there on a
scholarship.

That is a huge amount of information in a little space -- we now have a very good idea of Jez's place in society, Steve's, or what Jez thinks it is, something about Jez' family, and a lot about what Jez thinks about other people, his childhood, and his resentments. All from wondering where Steve keeps his socks. *is blown away*

Just in case you wondered, everything that happens once Jez stops drawing is as good or better -- you can feel the breeze in your hair from the whoosh of him falling in love. Go read. 5 marbles!

Buy it here.


There's a free read with these two on the author's website, and it's fun, too!