Ready to punch somebody

Don't you dare, don't any of you dare, to offer me friendship or following or whatever with piracy. I've had  four of those this week alone.

If you show me a pirate site and say hubba hubba come steal the author's work, all I can say to you is FUCK YOURSELF WITH A TABASCO SOAKED CACTUS! IN WHATEVER HOLE IS TIGHTEST!

Authors work hard to tell a story and entertain us. If all you can think of is how to steal that, you are nobody I want to know.

Small rant

I read a fair number of ARC copies. Some are from big publishers that I don't talk about here, some from authors and small publishers who put different amounts of effort into the ARC.

With some books I wonder if I've been handed a formatted first draft. Usually I can determine where in the publishing cycle the book is, and if I know it's going to get more love later, I don't mind the rough edges. Other times, the book is just perfect and ready to sell.

And then I get what I think is the final product with a disclaimer that all is not quite finished. Complete with missing punctuation and weird formatting, but it says ARC, so I'm not suppose to take official notice of that. Then I feel like I've been played for a fool,  because I don't talk about the mess and the mess gets offered for sale, and then my standards look low. They're not.

Cryssy Crankypants  here has dropped entire publishers for making me look at such messes and tricking me into pretending they aren't messes. I have turned down review requests from indies because I've looked at the files before deciding. I've also fallen down the rabbit hole of having to read the whole book RIGHT NOW because it's pretty to look at and the story is just that good, and then I've told the author, um, sure, I'll review. It would be nice if that one happened more often.

Yes, an ARC means I get to read a book that I don't have to pay for. But I really do, because not only does that book get hours of my attention, it need some thought and effort for writing a review. That makes a free book more expensive than if I paid top dollar for it.

Remember how you get one chance to make a first impression? That's what an ARC does. The big pub ARCs I get are ready to go except for the pretty cover. Because they understand that first impression thing. 

Policy Change on review requests

The landscape of publishing has changed a lot since I started reviewing. Publishers that were big have gotten bigger, other big names have dwindled or disappeared, new publishers have come on the scene, and self-pubbing has emerged as source of great reading.

As a blogger, I’ve noticed these things. My metadata for each review used to contain the publisher name. It doesn't now. Somehow that became irrelevant a couple of years ago, and frankly, seemed like an insult to some great books to stick “self-pub” on there, so I dropped publisher's name completely. Which was weird, it wasn’t an insult. It was, once upon a time. But not when I read books like Manipulation or A Forbidden Rumspringa or Spokes.

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen so many great books, and great looking books, that have only the authors’ names, or a mini-pub with one or two or three authors in their lineup. I’ve also seen books that seemed to be assembled by bears using Fortran. Some books seemed to be edited with only spellcheck, if that. Others had clearly been honed to maximum polish. Covers could be elegant or awful.

These exact same criticisms could be leveled across all the M/M publishers,and we all know which outfits are/were good at what.

I’ve altered my guidelines for sending books for review a couple of times in the last few years. The last time, I stated it as a challenge. “If you [self-pubbers] think your work stacks up to the m/m publishers, send it on.”

That was overstating the case for the reality of now, though it was necessary for the reality of when I posted that. Some of what I was offered in those days was awful, both on content and appearance. That challenge spared me some eye-pain. It could have cost me some good books. The general level of craft in publishing has improved.

An author recently contacted me, very cautiously because of that challenge. Had he been slightly more cautious, I would have missed out on a superior read and the promise of more, because it’s the first in the series. So thank you, Osiris Brackhaus, for making me think about what’s really important in choosing the books I read.

It isn’t a publisher name or an outdated idea of what publishers do. Some do it very well. Others have been dropped from my reading universe because I guess I do discriminate against Fortran-using predators. Sorry, guy.

So I redid the policy.

All authors and publishers are welcome.

That’s all. Anyone who wants to offer a good read in a well-formatted package, welcome. I'm not going to ask if the publisher is one person or a company with staff. I'm going to look at the file.

The book I nearly missed out on is Softpaw (Smilodon Pride Book 1). Five marbles. 

I want to commit fanfiction now

I just read a story so good I want to write fan fiction for it!

Lucky Starflowers, by Kate Pavelle.

Review to follow. Story, well, maybe Kate will write it. You want that. cause she's a lots better writer than me and it would have to live on my hard drive forever. We'll see what she says.

So, what do you guys think? Would you be happy if someone wanted more stories from your characters so bad they couldn't wait and started telling stories for themselves? Would you be grumpy that someone played with your characters?   I know there's Cut and Run fanfic, maybe others in MM.

Inquiring minds want more than hawtsex

Anyone who’s still paying attention to my opinions at this point knows that I like details. I like them to make sense, and I like them to bear more than a passing resemblance to reality as I understand it. So if a cop is involved in a fatal shooting and gets shoved back into duty without investigation and counseling, I will roll my eyes.  I might frighten the cat if the virginal MC deepthroats Mr. Baseballbatforacock first time out. And if some weird but hugely important element is thrown into the story for two paragraphs and then completely ignored, I will make a note, and the pen might go all the way through the paper and into the desk.

Sometimes the bounce is a fact.  It might hit the WTF button, and then the cat spends the next half hour under the couch wondering if I’ve lost my mind. It might hit the Huh?? button, and then I go looking.

If the author puts a 60 pound saddle on an eighteen year old horse; I will check how much saddles weigh. Because now I think the author’s cruel. The heaviest cutting saddle I could find was 50 pounds, and most of them were lighter than that. Maybe it exists and has an iron tree, but I’ve already been bounced out of the story.

If a character who couldn’t really have more than a fifth grade education uses the word “albescent” in the middle of sex, I will go look up that word. And I will also think his partner can’t be giving very good head if he can think that while he’s getting blown. Bounce.

If a character with a heart transplant has an 8 inch scar, I go looking. It doesn’t seem like enough. Except it is, if all those pictures are correct, so I come back ready to believe other stuff the author tells me.

But if the author depends on the hot sex to distract me from sloppy details, I have bad news. Sex that hot doesn’t exist.

A few thoughts about the new EU VAT rules concerning ebooks

In 2015, the new EU VAT rules on digital services became effective. Since they also apply to ebooks, those new laws changed the reading landscape for EU ebook fans. Mostly by making both ebook pricing more complicated for publishers and often making ebooks more expensive for readers.

This web article describes the UK situation: wordsthatchangetheworld 
and also the situation for sellers outside the EU and for self-publishing authors.

For me in Germany, VAT is 19% on ebooks. (Curiously, it's only 7% on regular books). Since the new rules came into force, I'm generally  paying 19% more for ebooks I order directly from an US or international publisher or through an international distributor. Since those rates of taxes are different for every EU country, I can't even begin to imagine the administrative nightmare that must mean for international businesses catering to ebook-readers in the EU.

Some publishers have already taken appropriate steps; for example Manifold Press (UK), who closed their online shop completely (much to my chagrin; I loved the personal interaction I received with every Manifold purchase) or Amber Quill Press, who no longer sell ebooks to EU customers from their website store.

Of course, as an EU customer, I can still buy books through distibutors like All Romance Books, Amazon and the like, if at a higher price (for which, just to be clear, I don't blame the distributors themselves!) But what if I preferred to buy directly from the publisher who happens to be based outside the EU? What If I happen to like a particular publisher who in consequence of the new laws stopped to sell directly to EU citizens? One of the benefits of digital purchases is just that, getting access to sources of supply I normally couldn't dream of, confined to what my corner bookstore has on offer. I'd never have discovered m/m in the first place had I waited until I could buy the physical books here in my neck of the woods.

Of course, I can still look for books on the website of my favorite publisher. But in order to buy it, I'll have to take extra steps: click over to a distributor's website, log in there, select the book again...

I don't know about you, but the instant gratification of buying an ebook kind of was my main incentive to start reading ebooks at all, and also to stick to reading them almost exclusively. More steps to take means I've got more time to reconsider my buy. I must admit I've already found myself taking a pass on books I was only casually interested in to begin with by the time I arrived at the distributor's website.

And even if my laziness didn't feature in my decision whether to buy a particular book or not, higher prices in relation to an unchanged reading budget most certainly will. I'm certain the same will apply to many other EU ebook buyers.

However, I think who'll be most under stress as a result of the new situation are self-publishing authors. Some platforms (like Amazon's Kindle store) take care of VAT, pricing ebooks differently according to the respective country's VAT tax. That means a self-published author's book will have different prices depending on buyer's country. Irritatingly enough, but what if said author publishes through a platform that doesn't take care of VAT for him? What are they to do - price their books differently per country? Sell at the same price to all, keep track of every single buyer and calculate the respective correct tax deduction (or risk committing tax fraud if they don't) ?

The implications are numerous and open to speculation. I don't know what the new laws will do to the international ebook market in general. All I know, that newest bureaucrat's guff, only effective for a few days now, irritated ME already, and I'm a mere reader who doesn't have much to be irritated about except for having to cut back on her book buying.

Let's see what comes of it in the long run.

Reviews and quotes and coming this week

It has come to my attention that my reviews have been quoted here and there. That's fine as long as it's accurate, so no fair using a dozen ellipses to piece together a sentence. Keep in mind that Fair Use involves brief quotes and proper attribution, otherwise, quote what you need.

In the last week, we had a review of an ancient Greek-set story, Alexios' Fate by Kayla Jameth, a luscious couple for a Thousand Word Thursday prompt pic, and a thousand word excerpt  from Eden Winters' novel Diversion. Good stuff, read the rest.

Coming this week, we have a review for Highway Man by Eden Winters, another nommy prompt pic, and a review for Double Up from Vanessa North. We may have another surprise review--stay tuned.

Pissed off Crys

I host a lot of pictures at Photobucket, but that's probably a big mistake. However, after several hundred posts, it's kind of a large error to fix systematically.

The problem is that the wowsers who patrol Photobucket while clutching their pearls with one hand and poking the delete button with the other have paid a visit to my account. I know they do this: I interviewed for the position because when my health deteriorated there wasn't a lot else I could do, but this sucked too bad to do even then. 

So, book covers I can't even identify are missing. Book covers. Bare man chests, how awful. Two men embracing, the horror. I am so mad I can't see straight. I linked those pictures to reviews, and now my reviews are broken. So, visitors, if you stumble on something that needs fixing, put a comment on that post and I can find it through the dashboard. I found a few already but I know there are more.

Thanks, and let the bare chests roll.

Of objectivity and snark

Some days I really hate that living up to the person I want to be requires me to try to be fair and even handed with reviewing. It would be a lot less work to splat my first reactions on the page. Being aware also that this is a small genre, and everyone knows everyone, or knows someone who knows, and stuff gets around, including the news that there were tears, I don't publish reviews like this one.

It's not my style. I think I'm smart, I have been called a bitch, but I try to keep the bitchy out of the review.  On the other hand, Smart Bitches have about forty billion gazillion more readers than I do. These things are probably related.

Notice I didn't say I don't write snarky reviews. I don't post them.  Or try not to, someone may point out where I'm wrong. But not posting them is different from not writing one.

Reading a review that discusses unicorn sparkle peen with Justin Bieber flakes, or whatever brain buster she actually wrote in that linked review (I can't bear to look again) made me recall a review I wrote to get the snark out of my system. Binky is the bad example character Nicole Kimberling wrote her very funny "how not to do it" articles about for Jessewave  and Novel Approach. He's pretty awful in those posts.

With my best attempt to redact all identifying information about the book, here's what Cryssy Crankypants snark really does look like.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Title:  {Binky Rides Again}

Author: author’s 14 year old sister who loves Twilight

Cover Artist: some unfortunate person who only had to read the art request, thank God

Publisher: Pirate outfit who stole publisher’s logos

Buy Link: withheld for your protection

Genre: tweenlit with inappropriate sex scenes

Length: too long

Rating: no stars at all because this book is a giant black hole that sucked all 5 stars in

A Guest Review by She Who Should Have Heeded the Warnings

Review Summary: This book's entertainment value is as a drinking game.

Blurb

Blah blah blah, whatever it actually says

Review

The last [author name] book I read left me with the impression that [he or she] was a passable writer who could construct a plot, create endearing characters, and entertain me. Since none of that exists here, I am forced to conclude that [his or her] much younger sister stole the outline for a decent novel and wrote it her way.

Arm yourself with a bottle of vodka and a can of peanuts, and follow these instructions for a good time.

Take a shot each time:

• the word [*****] appears in any form (May require a second bottle)
• an infodump appears
• a cliché appears
• the wall of exposition goes on for more than 2 pages
• {MC 1} displays an inexplicable skill (This will be in retrospect, so drink when you realize how unlikely it is)
• {MC 2} does something directly counter to [what he's been working on]. You may skip the shot IF you really think this is subtle characterization of his state of mind. You may NOT skip the shot if the text says in so many words that this is his state of mind.
• a scene stolen directly from Nicole’s articles appear
• You’re convinced Bella Swan wandered in to play the scene. Take a second shot if she’s playing both parts.
• each time [MCs] make an unwarranted conclusion
• each time you have to scroll upward to figure out whose POV this is supposed to be

Because we wish to conclude this game without killing the participants with alcohol poisoning, eat a peanut each time:

• an adverb appears
• a word explaining the emotion someone is supposed to be feeling appears
• you roll your eyes. Chase it with a shot if you actually speak/yell something at the Kindle.
• you read a sentence with only four words. Chase it with a shot if there are three in the same paragraph.
• each time [MC] displays a complete personality transplant in either direction. Skip the peanut if you believe this is a rational change for the scene.
• each time you recognize Binky

You are allowed to stick your finger down your throat once for each sex scene you actually find hot.

At the end of this game, the vodka will be gone, the peanuts will be gone, and it is unlikely there will be any barf to clean up. Which is a good thing, because you will be lying on the floor in an inebriated, bloated heap, wondering if the acquiring editor had accidentally triple dosed on the Valium before reading and accepting this mess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back to our regularly scheduled but not as much fun opinions.

Slushy slogs and diamonds on the ground

Just so you know, I’ve been getting corrupted at Chuck Wendig’s blog. After I read him, I cuss a lot more, and let slip weird and personal bits of information that may not be strictly true. While I don’t really believe his story about the garter snake and the serving spoon, my little ditty about the socket set and the VCR might possibly be true. Or not. Well.

Lately he’s been going off on the self-pubbed volcano of crap. I can sort of see it. His plea for self-pubbers to take some pride, get some edits, make a nice cover, write a blurb that entices, really is in a lot of people’s best interests to listen to. Of course the comments that followed were kind of harsh. Like, I won’t read indie ‘cause it’s all kinds of crap.

I’m not too worried about it on our end of the genre spectrum here. I read indie books. Jordan Castillo Price self-pubs. Josh Lanyon does too now. Never heard anyone complain about their quality. They’re pros, they work their publishing like a business, they do the right things to create a lovely chunk of entertainment. And a lot of other folks I read do it too. Because there are some great pieces out there that didn’t go through an imprint, from authors who take pride.

Of course, I see some of the volcano spew too. Some from authors who should know better. From writers I really did think knew the difference between its and it’s, or that sentences need punctuation on the ends. Be glad I don’t name those names, they make me talk like Chuck Wendig and then I say things like fucking fuckbasket.

Some indie writers have asked me to read their work, and I have. Some I plan to read again. Some I probably shouldn’t have said yes to. Some I’ve declined. Some indies I’ve bought. I buy a lot of books from a lot of authors.

Some I’ve opened the file on and thought oh no, there went my remaining sanity, and closed it again. If you don’t believe that a good cover and a good blurb matter, yes, they do. If, against my better judgment, I look past an eyesearing cover (which in mm is relative, I know) and a blurb of stones and errors, the story tends to match. I try to weed these out early. They aren’t all indie, either, which is another fucking fuckbasket.

One problem I do see as being more of an mm indie issue is that a complete story arc may or may not be in there. If the book is clearly One Big Book divided for manageability, and does have some completed plot arc as part of the bigger situation, that’s cool. But if the books are short and really should be all three together for a plot arc, that sets me off. I stopped reading fanfiction because I got so tired of a neat set up that got abandoned before the plot really started, and a lot of “Book 1”s seem like more of the same, only with money.

Chuck Wendig didn’t really address that volcanoes make diamonds too. There are some spectacular indie things out there. And they aren’t too hard to find. Here’s three of my favorites, some I’ve reviewed, some coming soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What's right about this? All three books are clearly marked as going together, they have a great story, lovely covers, pretty formatting, and just in general show how it's done right.

This Digital Box Set contains all three volumes of the Impulse trilogy: Inertia, Acceleration and Velocity.

DRAWN TOGETHER BY IRRESISTIBLE FORCES

Quiet, grounded Detroit handyman Derrick Chance isn’t looking for a relationship. After spending his twenties recovering from a series of tragic losses, he’s content with his insular existence and not interested in risking the possibility of another.

Stylish accountant Gavin Hayes has every reason to avoid entanglements, too. Fresh out of an abusive relationship with a world-class manipulator, he questions whether he’s ever going to be fit for another partner. At the very least, it will be months before he knows just how big an issue his future health will be if he tries again.

But when a series of home repairs unexpectedly turns into an extravagant game of flirtation, they discover that the last thing they thought they wanted is the one thing they can’t live without. As the autumn months pass and they wait for the final verdict on Gavin’s health, the two wounded men learn to open up, to let someone into their lives, and to trust again. But when Gavin’s dangerous ex re-enters the picture, will their new and fragile bond withstand the final test? 

Find at Amazon. I reviewed each book separately. Might as well get the set, you'll start and want to finish right away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's done right?  A complete plot arc, it stands alone, even if it's better in order, the tale is fast paced and gripping, we CARE about these two guys and besides, Lucky's the  funniest pain in the ass ever. Also I want to lick the cover. Review to follow.

 Renegade biker. Drug runner. Recovering addict. Wanted by the Southeastern Narcotics Bureau. But he isn’t a crook, he’s the law.

SNB Agent Bo Schollenberger’s solved his cases using his brains and not a gun, and with his partner, not alone. Now he’s handed a tough new case involving designer drugs that turn users violent. One false move could end his life as he immerses himself into a motorcycle gang to locate the source. His fate depends on how well he can impersonate someone else. Someone named Cyrus Cooper.

Cyrus is everything Bo Schollenberger isn’t, including the badass enforcer for a smuggling ring. He establishes pecking order with his fists and doesn’t take shit from anybody, not even the undercover agent who comes to help his case.

Simon “Lucky” Harrison’s always been the best, whichever side of the law he was on. Former trafficker turned SNB agent, he damned well ought to be undercover in this motorcycle gang, instead of hanging around the office going crazy with new policies, new people, and “inter-departmental cooperation” that sticks him in a classroom. Yet he’s passed over for the SNB’s biggest case in decades in favor of the rookie who shares his bed. A man Lucky thought he knew.

When survival depends on a web of tangled lies, lines blur, worlds collide, and a high stakes game turns friend to foe. Lucky knows the difference between Bo the agent and Cyrus the outlaw, but does Bo?
 Find at Amazon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's done right: a hotdamn of a standalone story, where the stakes are higher than just getting shoved out of the closet, a great setting, and a paperback copy that looks as good as anything on my shelf. Review to follow.

Pro cyclist Luca Biondi lives for the race. For the star of Team Antano-Clark, victory lies within his grasp—if he can outdistance 200 other hopefuls, avoid suspicion from race officials, and keep his lieutenant more friend than foe. Luca also has secrets, and eyes for amateur cyclist and journalist Christopher Nye.

Christopher understands Luca’s need to keep their relationship under wraps, but chafes at hiding in the shadows of his lover’s career. He’s ready to cheer Luca’s victories, but he knows too well how triumph can turn to tears. While Christopher’s heart sees Luca the man, his inner journalist—and his editor—sees the cycling world’s biggest scoop.

From the jagged curves of the Colorado Rockies to the viciously steep Belgian hills, Luca can ride out any bumps—except rumors about his loyalty.

A few words in the wrong ear could crash everything. With miles between them, hints of scandal, and Luca’s fierce need to guard his reputation, a journalist might have to let go of the biggest story of his career or risk forcing his lover to abandon the race. Christopher and Luca face a path more treacherous than any road to the summit in the Italian Alps.  Find at Amazon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notice I didn't say anything about the editing. That's because nothing sticks out, these three (5?) books are all coherent and proofread to a fare thee well.  So there, Chuck Wendig.

If this is indie, I like it.

Yes, it’s an ebook, the table of contents still matters

I hear a lot of squawking one way and another about ebooks vs paper books, and why should one be a slavish imitation of the other. Or maybe one is a pale copy of a form that’s functioned for centuries and has a more or less standard format. It’s an ebook, shouldn’t it be its own wonderful self?

Yes and no.

I’m all for innovation, I’m all for utilizing the tools available. What I’m not in favor of is throwing out a useful item or using it so badly that it might as well have been thrown out.

So whatever else an ebook has or doesn’t, a table of contents should be there doing its job.

Right now I’m mad, because I just finished an anthology. Here’s a form that lends itself to hopping around, reading a story here, skip a story, read a story there, come back and read one by that author who’s name caught your eye. Which is easy with a functional, meaning clickable, table of contents. TOC from here. For a lot of books, it might not matter so much, although just being able to get to “Cover”, “Chapter 1”, “author bio” might be enough. Basic navigation. But for non-fiction or anthologies or for anything where you might not read linearly, make the damned thing work. And make it work right.

What’s right, you ask?

Let’s start with internal links. If I want to get to Chapter 11 Understanding the Export Code, or the short story Great Balls of Fire by E. Lectriceel, give me something to touch and get there. And a name so I know where I’m going. If it’s part of what I can get to when I punch up the navigation pane on the Kindle, fine. If it’s an underlined blue link on the page, also fine. Don’t give me a non-linked line of text and expect me to flail around playing “guess your location”. A “back to TOC” button could be useful in some applications.

Just because ebooks don’t have page numbers doesn’t mean navigation is irrelevant. It just has to be done differently. Kindles will open to the last read location, and that’s important too. Because if the TOC is at the back of the book, and you consult it once, now every time you open that book, straight to the TOC you go. No picking up where you left off, even if it takes you days to finish the book. Even if you left off at a section break in the middle of the chapter, and you don’t recall which chapter. No, now the reader gets to flail around hunting, if she (ok, I) didn’t set a bookmark because I expected to be able to pick up at the last read location.

Will I use a bookmark in the future? Probably not, because most books don’t require an extra step to make this work, the Kindle does what the Kindle does. So I’m likely to forget. What’s more likely to happen is that when I choose books I’ll only remember that anthology=aggravation last time. Anything that gets between the reader and the story is a bad thing.

This one was particularly aggravating because there was a nonfunctional TOC at the beginning, starting me off with “hunt the location” because I wanted to read the stories in the order I wanted to read them, and I couldn’t just go “Click! I’m there!” And if one is looking at a TOC, does one think to look for a TOC? No you do not. You curse the unclickable text and play hunt the location. Which is not a fun game, I might add.

And then when I went to find the next story, I did click go to TOC, because I had to have some idea where to flail to, and guess what I got? Yes, a clickable TOC in the back of the book! Now my last read location function is useless! Even if I didn’t click!

So obviously a working TOC is possible to build in an ebook, and equally obviously, it is possible to put a TOC at the front where readers have been trained for a couple of centuries to look for it. And where it doesn’t screw up newfangled Kindle features.

So can we please have these two things at the same time?

Review policy reviewed

Now that I'm back, hopefully for the duration, here's how it works if you want my opinion.


Email me at Cryselle C AT gmail DOT com with a MOBI file, a cover art pic, the blurb, and a buy link or two, and let me know anything special about the book, like if it's your first or it's up for an award, stuff like that. I'm willing to look at m/m, m/m/m, and m/m/f.

Now that I'm not reviewing at Jessewave's, I can go back to my previous policy of the occasional ladybits among all the guybits. Anyone who doesn't like ladybits can hold their noses if they like. My blog, my rules. I'm still not reviewing het, but half the world's people are women, I'm a woman, and I refuse to act like women have cooties. A huge number of gay men have had relationships with women, been married, fathered children, might even still be friends with the ex, and all that might be in the story. I want to read that story. Women are part of gay men's lives as something besides Obligatory Pushy Best Friend. Get over it.


Because I think it takes a certain amount of courage to send me a review request, I've gone back to my previous policy. When I was at Dark Divas and Jessewave's, if I touched it, I had to complete it, no matter what. Given my druthers, I won't reward an author's risk taking with a low mark that they don't see coming. I will give an author the option to post or not if I can't give the book at least a 3. I did this before, and some folks have taken me up on that, and others have said post. If I can't honestly say 3 or better, and 3 is "I liked it", I will contact you first.

I could review on a publisher's request, in which case it's buffet rules. I touched it, I take it. They pubbed it, they can stand behind it. The rating, whatever it may be, gets posted.  No confidence? Don't ask me, cause I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I have given out ones. I have a symbol for ACK!

I also give 5s and everything in between.

A story that pleases me will have a couple of well developed characters, a relationship, and something plotwise outside the relationship. I like plot, that's the point of a book. I like sex, too, but sex has to drive the plot. The daily drivel of the character's lives in between sex scenes is not plot -- plot has conflict and resolution, and it needs to make sense. Logic fail will get noticed out loud and if I can't find the plot beyond "hawt guys fuck" you can call me Cryssy Crankypants.

Things that stop me in my tracks:

•  Rape, unless it's a past trauma and offstage
•  Incest, especially twincest. A survivor is fine, but current relationship -- NO
•  Non-con -- don't kid yourself, the right name is rape. 
•  All the squicky stuff that epublishers put in their 'don't submit to us' list
•  Most BDSM. Personal preference, no apologies. Please don't offer it. Absolutely no pain play, blood play, flogging, bondage, humiliation, gagging, CBT. If it requires implements, I don't want to read it, I don't have to explain why, and I don't want to be wheedled for exceptions. Wheedle or push, and I will review, using boilerplate. "Book, DNF, author, TSTL."*
• Het. Really, people. I'm not the right reviewer for that.*

Iffy stuff:

• Dub-con. We might not agree about where the line is. I'm likely to be more restrictive in my definition than you are.
• If it turns out to be "rape him til he likes it" you will suffer the consequences.I don't read het romance for a reason and I utterly rejected the genre for the prevalence of this trope.
• Soul mates -- this one hits the gag reflex, no matter what the writing looks like, 99 times out of a hundred, and the hundredth one is probably involving a non-human. A deep bonding after personalities get explored is fine, just no "only one personnnnnn in the universssssse for meeeeeeeee!" 
• BDSM of the non-implement variety. Psychological aspects might be okay, but know you're taking a risk.

 I'm good with most genres, you've already seen the exclusions. Contemporary, paranormal, mystery, fantasy, science fiction, whatever, bring it on.

My qualifications as a reviewer, well nothing academic, but would you really want someone doing lit-crit on your romance? I offer a habit of devouring words and some critical thinking skills**. My page at Goodreads should tell you something, that's maybe half of what I've read in my life.

I really do open every file hoping to love what I'm reading. 

*Yes, someone tried. Learn from their error.
**If you have plot holes and know it, you might not like that about me. 

It's kind of, well, unkind. Kindof. Or kindof not.

This is a reaction to a piece on Jessewave's, where Rick R Reed spoke about kindness. He called for civilized discourse in all things. and I'm fully behind that. However,  what is civilized can also be perceived as unkind, depending, and what an observer may just take as an opinion may be fighting words to someone who's much closer to it. I can only control what I say or write, I cannot control how others perceive it.


There are times when I can review kindly or I can review honestly. Honesty without snark is what I strive for, and at times I have asked experienced reviewers to read over posts to make sure I haven't stepped over the boundary. It may be that I've missed the mark at times. It may also be that the neutral statement of a negative opinion, as Anel Viz put it in the comments to Rick's thread, doesn't feel so neutral to someone. I am mindful that there is a person on the other end.

What Rick said except in one instance didn't set me off as badly as some of the commenters did, and much of this post is in response to them. What some folks are defining as kindness looks a lot more like protection from honest opinions. And is that actually kind? Because the truth is going to come out sometime. The truth can come out with civility, and that is the best one can ask.

Sometimes the most damning review is to summarize a couple of of plot points. Sometimes it's to quote a few lines of text. If the author's own words create the unkindness, then the reviewer is SOL. Walk on by isn't always an option. I have been approached for reviews outside of Wave's umbrella for whatever reason, and those folks get the option of not posting if I can't honestly rate at 3 or above, and they get that because it takes some courage to ask. Some people have taken me up on that. Others have said post. But at Wave's it's buffet rules--we touch it, we take it. I would have bailed on more than a few books had that been an option.

As did Val, I reacted to these words of Rick's: even if that output was utter garbage. It was still someone’s baby

No, this is not someone's baby. A brainchild unleashed on the world has to follow a social contract, which is: it provides something of value in exchange for the audience's limited resources of time and/or money. If it doesn't enlighten, entertain, educate, or provoke thought, it's already violated that social contract. And if it has, a signpost saying so isn't unreasonable. And it won't always be perceived as kind. I might spend as long writing a negative review as I spent reading the work, trying for something that sounds neutral and I HATE that. I have limited time on this planet, and someone's  book just sucked up an irreplaceable part of it. Who has been unkind here?

And yeah, it would be a whole lot easier to just read established names and not review, lest I be perceived as unkind. There are days when this seems like a very, very good idea.

In a review, no one is entitled to more than basic civility. A review isn't meant to provide writing advice to the author, though if it does that's nice. Should a review contain at least one crumb of praise? What if the one praisable thing is "It was written in complete sentences"?  The cries of "snark!" will ring out for that one, but there are books that are just that bad. The authors who write them and the publishers who offer them still want our $6.99.

A friend refers to the "include praise" bit as Suzuki reviewing, after the way she taught her kids to play violin. Seize on the one good thing and ask them to do it again, with a little tweak (to fix the total fail part.) That's fine, it's good teaching.

Reviews aren't teaching except by accident; they are an assessment of a finished product. And authors are not five year olds with miniature violins playing for mommy and teacher. Don't mistake a review for instruction, and don't mistake a reviewer for mommy who praises the smallest accomplishment. If it's being offered for sale, it has to meet that social contract and it's the reviewer's job to mention if it has or hasn't or to what degree. That  can be done without snark, but kindness is often in the eye of the beholder. Best I can promise is honesty.

Guest Blogger Angela Benedetti on Serials

Please welcome Angela Benedetti, who has graciously allowed me to repost her well reasoned discussion of serial fiction, originally on her blog, Angie's Desk. This was timely for me because I have serial fiction in my review queue, some offered well, some offered poorly.

*************

Can we talk about serials for a minute?

I know serialization is supposed to be the hot new way of sucking extra money out of readers. (Oops, was I not supposed to say that out loud?) But you know, most readers can actually do the, like, second grade math required to figure out how much the whole story cost them. If your short novel is coming out in five two-dollar parts, or your normal sized novel is coming out in ten two-dollar parts, a lot of people are going to do the above-mentioned math and figure out that you're ripping them off. 'Cause seriously, ten bucks for a short novel in electronic form is ludicrous. So is twenty bucks for a regular sized e-novel. If this is how you price your "serial," then you (either the writer or the publisher, whoever came up with the scheme in any given case) has absolutely no moral ground to stand on when readers start complaining, in print, on their blogs or on Goodreads or wherever else. Because that? [points up] That's a major rip-off.


Better yet is when the writer/publisher/whoever fails to let readers know up front that a story is, indeed, a serial. When a reader has bought what they think is a short story or a novelette and is reading along only to find that the story cuts off abruptly at the end, leaving them hanging, needing to wait..wait...wait for the next installment, and fork over another chunk of cash to get it? Yeah, you're going to get complaints about that, too. And again, you'll have no grounds whatsoever to whine about those complaints, even when they're made publicly. The reader who posts to their blog or leaves a comment on a vendor site or a social reader's site to complain about your stealth-serial isn't being mean or sabotaging you or whatever. They're making a legitimate complaint about your lack of up-front disclosure that you were selling them a fraction of a story.

Let's look at an example. I don't usually call out specifics when I'm writing about a general trend, but this one's unfortunately perfect.

Monty Gets Arrested is up on Goodreads with four ratings and a 3.0 average. This isn't a lot of ratings, and the average might improve with time. But what's significant here are the comments. One commenter, who left a one-star rating, says, "It's not even half a story." Another, who left two stars, says, "Not bad, just .. way too short. More like a chapter than a book." A third said:

Ok I am not rating this right now cause I'm mad. I didn't realize that this was a short story to be continued.... And not continued soon, but a whole month away. I just read Anitra Lynn McLeod series Seven Brothers for McBride and I had to wait a whole 7 seven days for the next installment. And let me tell you that was a raging 7 days and each Saturday Anitra came through with the story. Now I have to wait a month for the next installment? This was ok but I don't know that I care enough to 'post-it note myself' 30 days out.


Wow, great marketing strategy this turned out to be.

Someone came along and commented to one of the reviews, explaining that Monty is a five-part  series, with parts to be released once a month. I'm assuming this person knows the writer, or works for the publisher, or whatever. Okay, that's good information to have. Why didn't the publisher give it to us? Because this good information should've been given to the readers before they spent their money.

Monty's page on ARe (a popular e-book vendor site specializing in romance) says nothing at all about the book being the first part of a serial. The full title is Monty Gets Arrested (Marshall's Park #1), but that's also how series books are often titled; it looks to a savvy reader like there are going to be more books about Marshall's Park. Which is fine; if you like Monty, you'll probably be interested in  reading more books set in the same place, by the same writer. But nowhere on this page does it say "Serial," or "Story to be continued," or anything similar. The reader (potential customer at this point) is given no hint that they're not buying a complete product, or that they'll have to pay more money to get the rest of the story.

Obligatory statement that I'm not writing this to rag on the author. I have three of her books on my to-buy shelf on Goodreads, which means at the very least she can write good summary blurbs. Her total average rating on Goodreads is 3.82, which is very good; she can clearly write stories that readers enjoy, and I expect to enjoy a few of them when I get around to it. For that matter, the summary blurb on Monty makes it sound like a fun story. I'm betting the problem here is with a publisher who thought they could make an eventual $9.95 for a 57K word novel (assuming all five parts cost the same and are about the same length) instead of the more usual $4-5.99 a novel that length would bring in if sold as one book, and who apparently hoped no one would notice or complain about their shenanigans.

I'm not going to say that serialization is a bad concept entirely. Rather, I'll say I've never seen it implemented well, in e-book form. Serialization goes back to the days when newsstands were full of magazines carrying fiction (heck, it goes back to the days when there were newsstands) and many of those magazines serialized novels a chapter at a time, or a chunk of chapters at a time. Purchasing the magazine got you a lot more than that issue's serial, though. Even if the serial was the major selling point of the magazine (as magazines with Dickens's work often were, as I understand) the fact is that there was still more to read once you were done with the serial installment. Even if the only effect was psychological, it's the psychological effect of realizing that you just paid money for a fifth or a tenth or a fifteenth of a story that I'm talking about here. A reader who'll pay $2.99 for a 12K-word novelette -- a complete story -- might well balk at paying $2.99 for a 12K-word chunk of a longer novel, when they realize that the whole novel is going to cost them $15, and that they're used to paying $5.99 at most for a single (complete story) e-book of that length. The psychological effect is exactly the problem, and saying it shouldn't be that way doesn't make it vanish.

What it comes down to is that serializing a longer work and selling the parts individually is a sales and marketing strategy. The publisher is trying to make more money selling the parts separately than they'd make selling the work as a whole. Wanting to make money isn't a problem -- everyone who doesn't consider this a hobby wants to make money. The problem is when you're doing it so blatantly that your customer can't help noticing your hand rooting around in their pocket.

Some readers like serials, and are maybe even willing to pay more to get each chunk of story as soon as possible. Okay, that's great; selling serials to people who like them is a good idea. If you're targetting readers who like serials, then let the readers know up front that you're publishing a serial. There's no excuse for letting someone buy what they think is a complete short story or novelette, only to spring the surprise on them at the end that the story is incomplete. Announce in the marketing material -- within the summary blurb would be a good place -- that this is part of a serial, with more parts to come (and previous parts if it's not the first). Give the readers the information they need to make a valid decision whether to hand you money for your product. Some people will decide not to buy, yes. But the alternative is to deal in bad faith, and have people complaining about you in public afterwards. This kind of behavior might make you a few more dollars now, but it'll lose you customers in the long run.

If you're going to sell a serial, act in good faith. Let people know what they're buying before they give you money, and then see how many do. However much money you make when everyone knows what they're buying? That's the measure of whether serials are successful.

This doesn't work for me

I must have a terrific library then, because of all the recent acquisitions that are offending me.


It’s not the subject matter as such. I have an open mind, or so I like to think, but I don’t like sloppy thinking, handwavy reasoning, unsupported conclusions, and implausible situations. Give me an idea, even an unpalatable one, construct a rational argument for it, and I will cede that you have a point, even if it’s one I will never agree with.

But cloak even the brightest thought in raggedy arguments, surround the most brilliant plot point with text that makes no sense, and I will regret spending the time, money, and resources to read it. As I stated in my New Year’s resolutions, I am not going to feel compelled to finish books like that.

If the author has previously done a good job of entertaining me, I will forgive a book that just didn’t trip my trigger, put it aside, and wait for the next one. If, however, an author who previously told a sound story puts out a book that is sloppy, handwavy, unsupported, and implausible, I am going to feel betrayed.

I review, that means I need to identify what works, what doesn’t, and what my own biases are and if that matters to why I don’t like something. Sure, there are themes and tropes that don’t appeal to me; I try to screen those out ahead of time, because I want to open every file thinking I am going to like it. Sometimes they get through anyway, in which case I still try to assess if the treatment was done well or poorly, not say “this is a bad book because I don't like ****.”

I don’t like “fated mates” stories generally. The whole idea skips too much important development. I’d kind of like to read a fated mate story where they hate each other for very good and valid reasons and have to work around it. Recs please, if you know of one. Usually it’s “Oooh! Mine!” and straight to bed. But if I run across something that slips fated mates in on me and makes it interesting, I’ll offer an extra round of applause even.

But take a theme which could have a lot of interest to it, treat it cheaply, sensationally, and superficially, I am not going to get excited about it. At least not in any good way. Do this with several such ideas in one story, and I am likely to hold my head and weep, directly into the review.

Taking some professional aspect and mutilate it in a way that it no longer resembles correct practice, even to the complete layperson because it runs completely counter to good sense, (ie cop handling bloody evidence at a crime scene with bare hands, scientist tasting unknown but probably toxic substances, handy guy fixing a large leak with nothing but a carving knife, because come on, even MacGyver needed a pack of chewing gum), or violates physical laws, and yeah, I will notice it out loud. And I won’t be happy. I've seen things recently that are the equivalent of having the character blow into the big end of the tuba and getting a sound like a flute.

{Removed a chunk because I did end up finishing the book.]

Resolutions, right.

Oh to have Calvin's self-absorbed certainty in perfection. I need to lose that 15 pounds, vacuum  under the couch more often, and eat more spinach and less chocolate, preferably while exercising, but since I've promised myself stuff like that every year for **cough**quite a while now**cough** and  my fat jeans have gotten fatter and under the couch has swallowed more popcorn, let's be real. I think I ought to make some resolutions I have some hope of keeping.

I should:


Read more books.  M/M books, non-fiction books, fantasy, science fiction, some genre that I haven't read in a while. Let's call it one extra book a week. I can do this in the time I'm not wasting on telling myself to go to the gym.

Review more books. This could be good or bad, depending on how accurate you think my opinions are, but they're my opinions, and if all else fails, we can fertilize the plants with them.

Stop reading books I don't like. DNF is a valid opinion. If I've promised to review, I have to keep going, but life is short and hectic, and I don't really have to finish something I hate more than kale, do I?  No. I have officially given myself permission to stop in the middle. Now I can get rid of a whole shelf of books I (used to) feel guilty about. I don't care if it did win a Pulitzer, if it hasn't made me want to finish reading in 5 years, out it goes.

Buy more books. I have a Kindle now, so new purchases won't need to be dusted, even if there's room on the I used to feel guilty shelf. It doesn't matter now if it's a book I'd blush to have a new boyfriend see, it's tucked inside a handy device with a lock code. Nobody gets to give me shit about reading dragons and elves.

Get a new boyfriend who's cool with M/M books. If I put my small but treasured collection of m/m paper books on the newly cleared I used to feel guilty shelf, I now have an early asshole detection system! Chasing any detected assholes out the door qualifies as exercise, so that covers the resolution I'm supposed to make.  Also he has to be cool with dragons and elves.

Anybody have a book-related resolution?

Ranty McRanterson wants the middle

Lately I’ve been reading more stories than I’d like where a huge chunk of development isn’t there. What the author has included is lovely and draws me in, and then WHAMMO! We’re at the end. Wait a minute! Where did the middle go?

If there’s a great set up and engaging characters, of course I’m going to be interested in what their troubles are, which usually comes up in the beginning of a novel. And since I’m generally reading romance, the ending needs to have the men together, whether it’s for a week or a month or a lifetime. But if the journey from set up to ending is truncated into a few paragraphs, or worse, completely missing, I’m going to notice that out loud, and you can bet I will count off for it.


Because if I’m promised a story and I get half a story, plus or minus a bunch of sex, I will be annoyed. If I wanted nothing but sex, I’d read porn. If I wanted an excuse for a story plus a bunch of sex, I’d read erotica. If you offer me romance, the story better be in there.

Scriptwriters go off the three act structure, and it’s basic framework . We’ve all seen hundreds of shows and movies using it. We’ve read hundreds of books that have it, and we’ve read others that do not. It’s not the only way to tell a story, but it has the basic elements of beginning, middle, and end. We’ve come to expect that in good storytelling.

Here’s what screenwriters use for three act structure:

It’s not an accident that Act Two is twice as long as the beginning and the end—that’s where all the interesting floundering around happens. What they have marked as plot points one and two are where reversals happen—something that keeps the characters from getting what they want. For the complete discussion, look here.

Another way to look at storytelling is A) that which creates a problem and B) that which solves it. Then you can have a bit at the end where everyone’s happy and we all go AW!

A lot of writers mistake that happy chunk at the end for the solution to the problem. No, it’s not. It’s sweet, and probably lots more fun to write than all that troublesome stuff in the middle about how they got to the happy part. And it’s probably a lot easier to skip over that troublesome development stuff or smoosh it into a tiny space. But that’s where the story is.

That could bring us back to the three act structure, labeled differently.

So all that Aw! stuff is the tail of the falling action. And it all has a lot more meaning if there’s been some sort of connection from the introduction. Otherwise there’s a great big gap from where it started. And if we don’t know what’s in that gap, what matters at the end besides some sexytimes? And that’s really just parts rubbing together unless we’ve had a chance to really get to know the characters and see what they’re up against and how they solve it.

The parts of a story that make us gasp and bleed with the characters lie between the introduction and the falling action. If there’s a “black moment” when everything seems stacked against our guys, we care that they turn it around. If we hear about it later, or never hear about it at all, then why do we care? Why should we care?

Because then it’s just a couple of possibly interesting characters having sex or sweet kisses/fade to black. And that may be okay for erotica, but it’s not okay for romance.

I think that the Aw! section of the ending has the emotional height right about at the C or the T in “falling action” in the above graph. So if the story never takes us to the heights, we don’t come plummeting downward from the momentum of the rest of the story. We get only so high, not much past the first red dot, and then sort of slide down the rest of the way. The same Aw! ending would have much more oomph for being propelled by the rest of the story.

Some writers let the story take them where it will and impose some sort of order on it after they see what they’ve got. This works fine for someone who’s internalized the need for the complications and the crisis, and not so well for the writers who’d like to skip over that messy junk. The messy junk is where the story lies.

And if that part isn’t there, it’s a story that has this kind of flaw:

Moving in Fits and Starts

Sorry to all the regulars who've been coming by expecting some new content. Because of my ties with Jessewave, her posting issues are also my posting issues. The good news is Wave's site is now transferred to a new host, all is working well, and things should be back to normal. My next Wave review, unless I get really busy (don't count on it, there are 50 billion leaves in my back yard) will be Saturday.

Dark Divas and I have parted ways.

I have some opinion pieces  that may be ready to unleash soon. I'm seeing things that beg for comments.

Also, I am coming up on the 400th post since I switched the focus of this blog to m/m and reviewing. That ought to be good for something special, shouldn't it?

Policy change

Due to a recent unpleasant experience, I have updated my reviewing criteria. The changes are primarily in the realm of BDSM. and now look like this  (it's also on the If You Want a Review page);


A story that pleases me will have a couple of well developed characters, a relationship, and something plotwise outside the relationship. I like plot, that's the point of a book. I like sex, too, but sex has to drive the plot. The daily drivel of the character's lives in between sex scenes is not plot -- plot has conflict and resolution, and it needs to make sense. Logic fail will get noticed out loud and if I can't find the plot beyond "hawt guys fuck" you can call me Cryssy Crankypants.

Things that stop me in my tracks:

•  Rape, unless it's a past trauma and offstage
•  Incest, especially twincest. A survivor is fine, but current relationship -- NO
•  Non-con -- don't kid yourself, the right name is rape
•  All the squicky stuff that epublishers put in their 'don't submit to us' list
•  Most BDSM. Personal preference, no apologies. Please don't offer it. Absolutely no pain play, blood play, flogging, bondage, humiliation, gagging, CBT. If it requires implements, I don't want to read it, I don't have to explain why, and I don't want to be nagged for exceptions. Wheedle or push, and I will review, using boilerplate. "Book, DNF, author, TSTL."**
• Het. Really, people. I'm not the right reviewer for that.**

Iffy stuff:

• Dub-con. We might not agree about where the line is. I'm likely to be more restrictive in my definition than you are.
• Soul mates -- this one hits the gag reflex, no matter what the writing looks like, 99 times out of a hundred, and the hundredth one is probably involving a non-human. A deep bonding after personalities get explored is fine, just no "only one personnnnnn in the universssssse for meeeeeeeee!" 
• BDSM of the non-implement variety. Psychological aspects might be okay, but know you're taking a risk.

**Yes, someone tried. Learn from their error.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is not to say I will never read BDSM, it's just that I will choose it myself. I already know of one book I intend to read that has some psychological elements going, but I don't expect it to be a regular thing.

What happened was a classic case of how not to ask for a review. It went something like this, and I paraphrase to protect the guilty.

Review my book please.

No thanks, it’s het.

Review my book.

No, it’s heavy BDSM.

REVIEW MY BOOK.

I ALREADY SAID NO.

*I SAID* REVIEW MY BOOK.

 

And I don’t want to set the keyboard on fire again by repeating what I said after that. Maybe instead of “No” I should have said “Shakespeare” or “Chrysanthemum.” 

 

 

A point to ponder NSFW

One of the lovely bits about reviewing is finding out where one's opinion goes against the mainstream. I've been reading a Regency romance, m/m, and run into one of those situations that makes some readers shriek.

The rest of this discussion is absolutely not safe for work and maybe I should put the adult splash page back up, because there is no squick warning splash page.

The issue is rimming and what comes after rimming.

I'm not sure why writers of historicals perpetrate the most inappropriate rimming scenes.  True, no one had the luxury of daily showers and squeezably soft toilet paper, but missing these niceties did not mean that folks were unaware that unwashed ass smells like unwashed ass. And now some author not only has her character lapping around the outside but sticking his tongue in. Makes me glad the poor fellow is fictional!

Don't get me wrong, a good rimming scene is very hot, but part of the heat is being able to ignore the more usual use of that tract, a suspension of reality, if you will. Farts temporarily disappear from the universe, and all traces of solids must stay firmly out of the story. Is that realistic? No, but this is a romance, and inconvenient things have to stay off the page and out of mind unless they pertain to the story. It's why characters engage in outdoor sex without getting eaten by mosquitoes.

Some things make this suspension of reality easier. A character who's still dripping from the shower. A known close encounter with a washcloth. But when a character in an era of iffy hygiene has been doing hard physical labor all day, has last seen a tub the previous Saturday night, lunched on bean soup, and then gets pushed ass-up to be slurped on, I'm going to call inappropriate rimming.

Okay, lets assume that our characters went into this activity all tidy and everyone's had a good time. What next?

I am not ever going to argue for a cock to make ass to mouth contact if no condom was involved, and I might still flinch a little even if there was a condom. But if someone's been rimming and making his partner feel all good? How about some kissing? It goes with the territory.

Some readers find this shriekworthy. And I have to ask why. If the guy's butt is so kissable and lickable that his partner has been busy doing that directly, why is it a problem to have the indirect contact? Not doing it actually seems a little hypocritical: you can put your mouth there, but I won't kiss you later.

And for the reader? To get all happy over the rimming but then squeamish about the kissing after? I see this reaction a lot, and I don't understand it. If one activity is a problem, then both parts are a problem. You can't have it both ways.