This is short, only 21 pages, and sweet, maybe a little too much so, as *lurve happens* right off the bat, but fun, though I would have been a little more convinced by a slower blooming. Still, there is chemistry, and sizzle, on the grill and off.
My niggle - Mara, please, next time, more variation! On some pages, half the paragraphs start with the letter 'I', usually as 'I' but sometime as 'It' or 'It's' and on one or two, every last par, or all but 1 or 2 start that way. Very distracting, and I had to make myself not notice it any more to get back into the story.
Get Jobless in January at Torquere.
(Okay, I'm still working on a ratings system, but I did like this.) edited in later,4 marbles!
Hi Cryselle. Thanks for reading Joe's story and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for pointing out the 'I' problem - I'll be a lot more aware of it in future. And I will think of you every time I try and avoid it! *grin*
Mara
Hey, I did something useful for an author! And I did enjoy it, and have some more of yours in tbr pile.
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